“Arg matey, you have the best booty I’ve ever seen.

Some gold doubloon worthy pirate flirting: There be 'erect plank' usage, 'tis true, there be erect planks, mateys! Cannons being threatened to be shot into portholes! There be the finest of fake parrots, 'Crispy Salsa'. 'I also figured you were lying about being young and hot, but I can see you were serious.' Yawr har har! 'Tis a funny story, this short be! 'Dirty Pirate', aye, I laughed a lot! Well temporarily, mateys! Hold onto ye britches, loves!Īnyone who knows me crazy pirate loving ass, knows I quake for pirates. I needed to finish it so i could hate it all. Pure, bloody-minded belligerence was the only reason i completed reading this excrement after i realized that i hated it. The subtex here is vile, psychologically poisonous, and so completely false as to inspire in me a need to go fuck something in the eye. Nobody goes to the gym to 'feel their best.' they go to the gym to look hot so people want to have monkeysex with them. You can't be wholesome and unsullied while still being perfectly willing to smut it up like a normal person. Why i am going to play power games while engaging in an extended cockparty wherein we take turns fellating one another while pretending this is not at all the sort of thing i normally do.ĥ0/50: sex is shameful and i am not at all interested in it except to remark how hot you look today/please keep sucking my balls and comparing them to fresh fruit, because that's not odd at all. the blurb isn't a teaser-it's a fucking summary.įirst half: why i am wholesome and not at all like those other, dirty, slutty gays, disguised as an all-about-the-boy meet cute. How can a short story pack in so much hypocritical sexual politics in so little space?

How do you go from casually slut-shaming gay dudes-a particularly common sport in mm, where it would be reviled in mf, naturally-to then idly wondering if your new friend has big muscles and fantasizing about licking him from head to toe while you grind what you have inexplicably decided to call your 'noodle' on his beefcake body? What a grand thing it must be to live your life as an american, cozily ensconced in the judeo-christian morality construct while simultaneously doing exactly as you please like everyone else.

Dirty Cop by Kyle Adams